Rethinking Behaviour

Episode 1: The Myth of ‘Naughty’ Behaviour

Are children really ‘naughty’? Or are we misunderstanding them?

Some children test you to your core. They push your buttons so hard it feels impossible to connect with them.

If you’re being polite, you call them ‘naughty’—maybe not out loud, but definitely in your head. And if you’re really frustrated, you might even have some choice words running through your mind.

But… are children actually being naughty? 🤔

The Shift from ‘Naughty Child’ to ‘Naughty Behaviour’

There’s been a shift in recent years—from calling a child ‘naughty’ to calling the behaviour ‘naughty.’ That sounds better, right? But let’s be honest—this shift is more about making us feel better.

✔ We know calling a child ‘naughty’ doesn’t feel right.

✔ We know their behaviour is often age-appropriate, even if it’s inconvenient for us.

✔ But we’re still missing the bigger picture.

Because children aren’t being difficult on purpose. Their behaviour is communication.

A Real Example: The Child Who Was Nearly Excluded

Recently, a setting asked me for support with a child who had just joined them. They told me they were about to remove the child from the setting—the staff couldn’t cope.

"He’s breaking equipment, hurting staff, hurting children, screaming. He’s a very naughty child, and it’s not fair on the others."

I started asking questions. And quickly, the full picture came into view:

✔ This child did not speak or understand English.

✔ He had only been at the setting for two weeks.

✔ He was splitting his day between two different settings.

💭 Imagine what that must have felt like.

One day, you’re safe with your family. The next, you’re suddenly dropped into a new space. Everyone speaks a language you don’t understand. Before you can even adjust, you’re taken away to another unfamiliar place.

🤔 Who are these people? What are they saying? What do they want from me?

You miss your mum. You don’t understand what’s happening. You’re scared. And then you realise… this isn’t just for today. This is going to happen every single day.

So… was this child really ‘naughty’?

Absolutely not.

The Power of a Perspective Shift

As soon as the staff started seeing the behaviour for what it truly was—fear, confusion, distress—everything changed.

✔ The staff’s behaviour changed first.

✔ The child’s behaviour changed next.

✅ They stopped trying to control the child and started supporting him.

✅ They showered him with empathy, reassurance, and understanding.

✅ They connected with him through silliness and shared interests.

And guess what? His behaviour changed THAT SAME DAY.

Because when we start seeing behaviour instead of just reacting to it, everything changes.

💡 The child feels safe.

💡 The adults feel empowered.

💡 And the so-called ‘naughty’ behaviour?

✨ It fades away. ✨

Because the child was never ‘naughty’—they were just asking for help in the only way they knew how.

What’s Next?

So, if punishment and control don’t work, what does? How do we actually help children regulate their emotions instead of just reacting to their behaviour?

📢 Next up in this series: Connection Before Correction!💡 Why strong relationships reduce challenging behaviours (and why punishment makes things worse).

➡ [Read Episode 2 Here] https://www.behaviourbear.com/post/rethinking-behaviour-1